We’ve personally downloaded and started using the Pair app.  Pair looks like your text messaging screen, but with some slight differences.  You can post pictures, videos, draw together, and Facetime from within this app.  What we really like about it is we can add a passcode so only we can get in (in other words, keep our private things private).

Best of all, Pair is free.  No spending money to flirt (however racy you are willing to) without having nosy kids, relatives, etc, being able to see what you are saying to each other.

Pair could be helpful in getting your partner interested in some sex games for the night or give the hint that you may want something a bit more….or possibly less.

Try some of them out, and comment here.  I would love to hear what you think of these apps, and what you all are doing with them.

First, this blog will take a slightly more Christian tone than expected.  Don’t worry, I won’t be shoving Jesus down your throat!  But I will make some references to what the Bible says about sex (and it says a lot more than what you think).  Not every post will be like this, though.  But I believe the good book has some helpful thoughts on how to have an incredible sex life.

With that out of the way, let me start with this:

Don’t be just a spouse.  Be a lover.

We’re solidly in our 30′s now, and it is all too easy to just go through the motions.  Sure, you may be having sex several times a week, but are you just meeting a need or really being a lover to them?

In other words, are you in touch with what they really want from you?

I thinking of the difference between a lover and a spouse, this is what I’ve come up with.

A spouse is your married partner.  They are the ones you should commit to.  As a spouse you share in the duties of the household.  Within the bedroom, you try to meet your marital obligations by engaging in sex.  I’ll leave out other things because, well, they really do not matter to this blog.

A lover should be your spouse (or you).  As a lover, you should look to energize your spouse’s sexual energy.  If you are a true lover, you go beyond just meeting a need to really finding out what their desire is and meeting it too.  You pursue your spouse.  Just because you are married does not mean that the feelings you had during courtship should disappear, or the feelings you had as newlyweds should diminish.  Your spouse should in return become a lover to you, both of you doing whatever it takes to fulfill everything for each other sexually.

Interestingly enough, Paul agrees in the Bible.  He says two interesting things in 1st Chorinthians chapter 7:

1.  A husbands duty is to meet all his wife’s sexual needs, and a wife should meet all her husband’s sexual needs.
2.  A husband’s body belongs to the wife, and a wife’s body belongs to a husbands.

Now, Paul himself never married.  He chose to stay single and celibate.  I’ll say (in a non-blasphemous tone) that he was missing out!  But I digress….

According to the Bible, our bodies are meant for the pleasure of our spouse.  I don’t recall anything in scripture where anything other than the best should be given.  So why do we, and especially Christians, limit themselves in the bedroom?  It has never made sense to me.

I know that for me, my #1 goal is to be such an energizing lover that Cindy would end up with nearly the same sex drive as I have.  I want her to experience sex and orgasms and connection with each other so powerful during our sex romps that she’ll desire them the same way I desire them.  I know that this starts for her outside of the bedroom, but that’s okay.  I don’t mind being the complete package, not just the one that gets her screaming with pleasure between the sheets.

Being a lover is really difficult for both men and women, though, especially in the early-mid stages of life.  Having 3 kids and all that entails keeps us all really busy.  Cindy’s tired.  I work long hours.  Kids get sick.  Disagreements over this and that pop up (good opportunity for make up sex, but again, I digress).

But to be a really good lover, you have to put effort into it.

Men, treat your wife like she is more than just someone there to get your rocks off.  She’s a woman.  She’s beautiful.  She is who you desire (and only her).  Let her know this.  Just because you are married does not mean you do not have to continually court her.  Write her love notes about this.  Find out what her sexual fantasies and turn-ons are and do them.  I know Cindy is more reluctant to share these, or has limited things, but that’s okay.  Do them.  Make sex a priority (real hard tasks, I know) but take it one step further and make 2 or more nights a priority for her needs to be met before yours are.  Surprise her with stuff that excites here, both inside the bedroom and outside.  In short, make an effort for her to feel special to you.  Appeal to her emotional and physical needs.

Women, first, don’t deprive your men.  If they have a high drive, do as much as you can.  And never be afraid to go the extra step.  Be flirty with him.  Send him text describing what you want from him that night (even if it is for you, just promise to repay the favor).  Talk about what you love about him, both inside and outside of the bedroom.  Inflate his ego a bit.  There is nothing wrong with you making your man feel good about what he does for you and your family.  Remember that men get turned on by three major things:  Physical (touch), visual, and ego.  Appeal to all three.  Find out what he wants from you sexually, and give it to him.  As long as it does not demean you or break your marriage convanent, all things should be good.

But with both, do all of this with some authenticity.  Don’t do this and not mean it.  Really get into it.  Seriously, what is the worst thing that could happen?  Worst case scenario is you do all of this and get nothing in return.  At that point, this goes beyond sex advice and moves into marriage counseling.  But my guess is if you do this and get nothing in return, you really weren’t getting anything to begin with.  This is a post for spouses to read together and implement.  And if only one reads it and does it, you may be surprised the response you get.

But be real.

And have lots of great sex while doing all of this.  Hope you enjoyed my thoughts today!

It is finally slowing down just to be busy again really soon. 

Most of you know that Valentine’s Day is coming up in a couple of weeks.  The is the LOVE holiday!!  You know where everyone is suppose to be in love!  Well, I think Jeff and I are more in Love then what we have been in a long time.  Our relationship has been wonderful in the bedroom and out of the bedroom. 

We usually don’t really do anything special for Valentine’s Day but this year we are going out of town and spending the night away with no kids.  I know this may not seem much to you all but we get 2 nights with no kids, no distractions and each other to ourselves. 

If you are looking for something special to do for your special someone I will be posting some things this week that are free or at a low cost.  Remember you don’t have to spend $$ to make that someone special in your life feel special. 

I will also give some ideas if you do want to spend some money on your someone special. 

I am excited about Valentine’s day and hope everyone has a romantic day/evening planned.  Check back later this week for my ideas and ways to make your Valentine’s Day special!

But now that we are starting a new year and new times together, we are working on several things to not only spice up the bedroom for us but for others as well.

We have talked about a few things, and here is a “sneak peak” at a few things we are going to talk about in the coming weeks:

1.  A 7 days of sex challenge….seem easy, right?

2.  An experiment to find new turn-ons for your spouse.

3.  A commitment to multiple nights of multiple orgasms.

I will also be writing some about supplements and exercises to help make sex better for men (well, it will make the women feel good, too).

Plus, we’ll return to the Sex Act of the Week.

So stay tuned in the coming days and weeks for some fun ideas, challenges, and more.

But we wanted to share our Sex Act Of The Week with you:  Shaving each other.

This is a very intimate act that requires quite a bit of trust and communication about each others’ preferences.  But don’t deny your partner the opportunity to shave you however they want, though.  Remember, part of what makes great moments with each other is being a bit submissive.  It’s just hair and it will grow back.

Cindy and I did this for the first time the other night.  We drew a nice jacuzzi bath, relaxed for a bit, and then got to work.  It was quite an experience for both of us, although it can be a bit nerve racking shaving your partner.  Overall, we enjoyed it quite a bit….so much so, we are about to do it again tonight!

Check back this weekend for our 4th Sex Act Of The Week.

I had to pick up a prescription today at a Wal-Mart and had a slight wait while they ran my insurance card.  Their pharmacy faces the shelves that have their condoms, lubes, and more.

And interesting enough, they have somethings I would classify as sex toys.  Wal-Mart has an erotic side….?

Looking over what they had in this store, they had flavored lubes, vibrating enhancement rings, and a “personal massager” that was very non-phallic looking.

But I found this interesting and thought I would pass it on.  I believe 4 of the vibrating rings was less than $5.  So if you are looking for a bit of extra spice, look at picking some up.

Why just kissing and not a position, an oral sex act, or anything else?

We realize that great sex comes from great passion.  Great passion does not start in the bedroom (necessarily) but starts well before you get between the sheets.

I wrote here about passionate kissing as well as starting your day together….kissing is where the passion starts.  If you kiss passionately every day, your intimate time together will be better.

So here are some ideas for kissing:

• Kiss naked.  Don’t touch each other other than an embrace.
• Watch a movie/sporting event or whatever you enjoy together.  During the commercials, get hot and heavy with your kissing, but force yourselves to stop when the show comes back on.
• If you can shower or bathe together, this is another great place to simply embrace and kiss.
• Start your day and end your day with a long, passionate kiss.

These are just a few ideas on this week’s Sex Act Of The Week – Passionate Kissing.

You come home (or both come home) from a long day at work.  If your spouse stays at home with the kids, you pitch in to help him/her, taking time with the kids and finding out how their day was.  You cook supper, eat, clean up dishes, do a bit of housework, get your kids ready for bed, get them to bed, and then you finally have alone time…

…and you’re exhausted!

Seems like an all to familiar scenario in our house and I am sure many others.

I work full-time hours, Cindy is a stay-at-home mom and keeps another kid for extra income.  All of the kids, including ours, are young, so her day is full of assisting them as well as doing work around the house.

My day is full of my job and my nights, until the kids go to bed, is usually full with them.

So when we finally go to bed, love making is usually a shortened affair.

Too short sometimes.

Cindy is too nice sometimes and just worries about making sure I have an orgasm, and that is it.  Being the horny husband I am, I try to do her as well, but sometimes she would just rather not.

And I appreciate the gesture, but its just not as fun.

So as I was pondering what the problem was, I came to one simple conclusion:  We, and many others, simply do not take enough time for each other when having sex.  So the easy answer to this is a multiple orgasm night.

Guys are blessed with a built-in timer.  Some guys have shorter timers than others, but none of us can have orgasms that back-to-back.  We are also great at not lasting as long as our women typically.  So to make sure both women and men get more enjoyment and spend more time in the art of love making, I thought it would be a good idea to take one night multiple times a month and work towards both partners having more than one orgasm.

My thought?

It helps guys to not be one-and-done but rather focus on really pleasing their wives.

And it helps women to make sure their sexual needs are met.

Cindy and I have been talking about this and will be making our multi-orgasmic nights fairly regularly (once we all get over the sickness that is floating around our community and friends).  I view it as a personal challenge to give her two great orgasms on these nights.

So here we go….you can use our Sex Act Of The Week as a starting point to finding positions or foreplay and orgasms, or you can just do your own thing.  The key is to spend more time being sexual with each other and have fun, make memories, and make sure you meet the others needs….at least twice!

Fairly self explanatory on how this goes, but as we were discussing, we all came up with some great suggestions to make this very sensual, sexy, and a lot of fun:

• Turn off the TV!  But if you have a way for music to play, play the music.
• If you have a blindfold, use it.  It will heighten sensitivity.
• Some prefer the use of lotions, some don’t.  Find out what your parter wants and do that.
• This gives you the opportunity to really focus on your partner’s erogenous zones other than their genitals.
• Don’t be afraid to kiss your parnter on different areas of his or her body while doing this.
• And definitely don’t be afraid to tease your partner.  Brush your hands against their genitals to build anticipation and excitement!

For some females an orgasm can be achieved through massage.  So as your man is massaging you, think about sex.  Think about how you feel sexually, how it feels when your man performs oral sex or intercourse while getting rubbed.  If something feels particular good and gives you some sexual excitement, let your man know!

Remember, the point of our Sex Acts Of The Week are meant to highten intimacy.  We choose these based on things we individually like, thinks we’d like to try, and things we think would push us sexually.  All of us want to take our sex lives to another level and encourage others to do the same.

For each week, we suggest performing the act at least twice.  We plan on writing about our experiences and want you to share yours with us.  We are all looking forward to reading your comments.

Ron & Selena and Jeff & Cindy

So Cindy and I will be consulting with our other contributors and coming up with something new to do each week.

What’s the point of doing this?

So many people miss out on really enjoying sex.  We try to squeeze it in to a tight schedule and get stuck in routines.  Sex was never meant to be a routine.  Sex is meant to be fun, exciting, intimate, and every other word BUT mundane and routine.

So be looking (very) soon for our first Sex Act Of The Week.